Not entirely.

As I’ve shared in the past, I attend church weekly. A recent message, Pastor shared a story about how even when he has his “Do Not Disturb” sign on his office door, his daughter will walk in regardless. Why? “Because she knows she has full access to her Dad.” Which got me thinking- well shit, do I not give full access to my kids because they know to not follow me into the bathroom or my bedroom?

My clinician brain set it and was like “slow your roll” because even though there are rules(boundaries) in the house, my kids still have full access to me.

We have worked hard to set rules in our home that the master bedroom is off limits to the kids unless invited in by us. Same for the kids’ rooms to the other kids- they can play in each others’ rooms by invitation, yet the moment a kid says “get out,” all other kids must leave. Because in our home, our bedrooms are our safe space, our quiet space, our privacy. Everyone needs a space to take a break, have quiet, a spot to think.

So even though my kids don’t follow me into the bathroom, they do still have “full access” to me. And that 2 minutes of using the bathroom alone is sometimes what I need to regain myself because let’s be real, kids can be A LOT. The kids also need to learn boundaries.

Allowing our kids “full access” to us is great on one hand; it is giving them the attachment to feel safe and supported. But can it sometimes feel overwhelming? Or like a slippery slope? Absolutely. And that is okay, too! Some families struggle with the boundary between “full access” and “touched out.” It doesn’t have to be one way or the other. There can be a balance! There are many ways to find that balance. Our family has the boundary around our bedrooms and bathrooms. Other families implement routines so the kids can exercise being more independent (and less needy on parents) such as morning routines or bedtime routines. Kids love routines and predictability.

Is there a boundary in your world that often feels invaded or not respected? Need a routine at home? Are you getting the space you need to recharge? Is all things life, relationships, kids just a lot? Feeling a little touched out? I get it. I’ve been there. I am there! In any session you can ask me how I’ve been challenged by life, and I promise I will have a story. Because I’m human, too. We are all humans trying to human as best as we can while sometimes raising fellow humans.