Juggling Parenting and Partnership
As parents, we wear various hats: cook, paramedic, referee, taxi driver, hair stylist, coach, and more. Managing all of these hats and being a partner while still thinking about ourselves can feel overwhelming - to say the least.
Becoming a parent can feel like it happens overnight but our identity as a parent is ever-evolving. So here we are, trying to figure out who we are as a parent to our children, but how about how we relate to our partner now that we are both parents? Quickly switching between being parent and partner can be challenging and requires patience, communication, and awareness of both yourself and your partner. That’s a tall order whilst trying to get through the day with all of the demands of life.
As parents, our primary focus revolves around our children. We become caregivers, nurturers, and providers. Sometimes we have help from friends or family but often, this taking-on-of-all-the-hats is necessary because we do not have enough support. So how do we not lose sight of another important role - being a partner?
Switching to the role of a partner involves nurturing the bond with your significant other, maintaining open communication, and sustaining the romantic connection that initially brought you together. This dynamic shift from parental responsibilities to being a partner can be both invigorating and super challenging.
One of the main challenges in toggling between these roles is finding the time and energy to invest in both aspects of your life (and all the others!). Parenting demands patience, attention, and selflessness, while being a good partner requires fostering intimacy, communication, and shared experiences. Striking the right balance can feel like walking on a tightrope, with the fear of neglecting one aspect while focusing on the other. Especially for parents with babies or toddlers, three or more children, or children with support needs, making your partner a priority is incredibly difficult. Spoiler alert: you’re not going to always do this well. There are going to be times when you have to pour more of yourself into one or the other.
Another challenge is maintaining individual identity within these roles. Sometimes, in the process of being a parent and a partner, individuals may lose touch with their personal aspirations and needs. It's crucial to remember that a healthy relationship and family life also stem from the fulfillment of individual goals and desires. Another spoiler alert: you’re not going to always do this well either. There are going to be times when you just can’t do all the things.
This is a lot to take in and it sounds incredibly challenging, how am I supposed to manage all of this?
There truly is no way to balance it all, all the time and that is ok. There’s not a magic secret to making this all work seamlessly. But there are some key areas to check in with to help you fine a line that feels doable for you:
Communication: Consistent and open communication with your partner is the cornerstone of a successful relationship. Discuss your feelings, challenges, and aspirations regularly, ensuring that both parties feel heard and understood. Check in regularly about schedules, needs, and the division of labor in your house.
Quality Time: Allocate specific moments for both parenting and partner activities. Whether it's a family game night or a date night, carving out dedicated time for each role helps maintain a healthy balance.
Self-Care: Recognize the importance of self-care. I am not just talking about spa days. I am referring to saying no to added responsibilities when you can. Asking yourself, how does this serve me? Our plates are usually overflowing. What can you delegate or push off your plate? Prioritizing yourself often leads us to show up differently for both our children and partner.
Realistic Expectations: Understand that no one is perfect (both you and your partner), and there will be days when one role takes precedence over the other. Setting realistic expectations helps manage the inevitable challenges that come with partnership and parenthood.
Remember - this is an ever-evolving balance. There are times when it’s going to feel all out of whack and that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong, it just means you’re human.
Pic of Emily and fam from 2016 with two babes in that belly! Photo by Uttke Photography