Managing Your Anxiety - Making Decisions Based on Values, Not Fear
Anxiety can often feel like a constant companion, whispering doubts and fears into our minds, making even the simplest decisions feel overwhelming. When anxiety flares, it’s easy to become trapped in fear-based thinking, leading us to make choices out of a desire to avoid discomfort rather than pursuing what truly matters to us. However, there’s a different path—a way of making decisions based on our values, rather than our fears.
Fear-Based Decision-Making: A Temporary Comfort
Anxiety often triggers fear-driven decisions. For example, you may decline a social event because you’re afraid of being judged, or avoid pursuing a new career path because the uncertainty feels overwhelming. Fear-based decisions often bring temporary relief, but they also tend to keep us stuck in cycles of avoidance. These choices may protect us from discomfort in the moment, but over time, they can lead to feelings of stagnation, regret, and frustration.
Living in fear-mode restricts our world. We might feel “safe,” but that safety comes at the expense of growth and fulfillment.
Value-Based Decision-Making: A Path to Calm
Making decisions rooted in your values—what you truly care about—can help break free from the cycle of fear. Our values represent the things that matter most to us, whether that’s authenticity, connection, kindness, growth, or creativity. When we align our actions with our values, we move toward a life that feels more meaningful and fulfilling.
For example, let’s say one of your values is connection, but anxiety keeps telling you to avoid social situations. If you make decisions based on your fear of discomfort, you might skip that family gathering or decline an invite from a friend. However, if you allow your value of connection to guide your decision-making, you might choose to attend the event, even though it feels challenging. This shift doesn’t mean your anxiety will disappear, but it does mean that your choices will bring you closer to what matters most to you.
The Benefits of Living in Alignment with Your Values
Increased Resilience:
When you’re guided by values, discomfort becomes more bearable. It’s not that the anxiety goes away, but the reason behind your decisions becomes stronger than the fear. This can help you build resilience, as you learn to move through discomfort in service of a greater purpose.
Sense of Purpose:
Living according to your values gives your life a deeper sense of purpose. Rather than feeling like you’re just going through the motions or constantly trying to avoid something, you’ll feel like you’re actively pursuing a life that matters to you.
Long-Term Fulfillment:
While fear-based decisions provide short-term relief, they often lead to regret in the long term. Value-based decisions, on the other hand, may be harder in the moment, but they create a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment as you move toward the things you truly care about.
How to Shift from Fear-Based to Value-Based Decision-Making
Identify Your Core Values:
What matters most to you? Is it honesty, compassion, creativity, adventure, or family? Reflect on the values that resonate most deeply with you. You can think of these as your internal compass—they’ll guide your actions when fear starts to creep in.
Not sure what your values are? Try this values exercise.
Acknowledge Your Fears:
It’s important to recognize the fears driving your decisions. Take a moment to acknowledge what’s coming up—whether it’s the fear of rejection, failure, or discomfort. But remember, fear is just one voice; your values can be louder.
Make Conscious Choices:
When faced with a decision, ask yourself, “Am I making this choice because it aligns with my values, or because I’m trying to avoid discomfort?” This simple question can help you pause and make more intentional choices.
Take Small Steps:
Shifting from fear-based to value-based living doesn’t have to happen all at once. Start with small decisions. Maybe it’s saying “yes” to a phone call with a loved one, even though your anxiety says “no.” Over time, these small actions build into a life aligned with your values.