During a month focused on romance and physical intimacy, how is your relationship with your own sexuality? Wow. That was a loaded question!

First off, let's normalize that sexuality changes throughout our lives. Our sexuality is impacted by various life events like changing careers, parenthood, school, mental and physical health changes. Often we have a static idea that what we like sexually will always be the way it is. The amazing thing about being human is that there is always room for self-discovery.

Between being taboo and ambiguous, where do you start in sorting out your relationship with your own sexuality? When do you have time to think about yourself, let alone exploring your relationship with sex?

Yeah, I hear that there are a lot of questions. You may feel overwhelmed right now. The good news is there is no rush. Whether you are single, coupled or polyamorous or anywhere in between, understanding what you like and don’t like is beneficial. Everyone’s journey of self-discovery is unique and there is no right or wrong way to explore your sexuality. Take your time.

Brainstorming your preferences is a good place to start. Here comes the important piece, for this journey to be authentic and fulfilling, practice honest communication with self and others.

What has been pleasurable or intriguing previously?
What are your fantasies?
Are you in a place, physically and mentally, to safely explore?
If you have a partner, do you want to include them in your exploration?

Being fully honest with yourself is vital. It sounds simple and yet society has norms that deeply influence how we view ourselves and others in the context of sex so it can take some digging to uncover your true desires or preferences. Sometimes while we are working hard to be honest with ourselves, negative beliefs and values about bodies rear their heads. When this happens, one available practice to support yourself is self-compassion. Residing in the concept of our shared human suffering, we are all deserving of self-compassion. Every human being experiences sexual drives and desires.

Consider accessing other resources to support your exploration. If having a community while you explore your relationship with sexuality is supportive for you, consider online groups, trusted individuals in your life, or sex positive organizations. Tapping into resources can also be helpful if you are unsure of what you like. Try accessing online communities or information gathering from professionals who specialize in supporting folx exploring their sexuality. In Milwaukee, we have a sex-positive adult store, The Tool Shed. The staff are knowledgeable and non judgmental. You can also look for a therapist trained in sex and sexuality to help sort through this journey. At the bottom of this blog is a list of additional resources for further exploration.

So if you are newly embarking or in the throes of sexual self-discovery, please remember, this is your body and your journey. Understanding ourselves is multilayered and an on-going process, which takes time. Be kind to yourself. Honesty and self-compassion are your best friends and if you find yourself struggling or feeling overwhelmed, know you are not alone. There are lots of ways to receive support.

RESOURCES

An extensive list of various resources for different situations from Embrace Sexual Wellness, a practice in Chicago: https://www.embracesexualwellness.com/embrace-knowledge
The Tool Shed, a local Milwaukee retail store: https://www.toolshedtoys.com/
AASECT Provider Directory, a listing for trained sex therapists: https://www.aasect.org/referral-directory