High Sensitivity: With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility
This is for anyone who feels they are (or has been told they are) “too much”: emotional, dramatic, touchy, sensitive.
Maybe you are! And that’s okay. Actually, it’s amazing once you learn to celebrate and care for yourself.
There is a biological trait that makes around 20% of humans more sensitive than average, and it’s known as being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). There is even a self-test (you can take if here) to see whether you align with being sensitive. I am here to validate that it is, indeed, a thing™ and explore what that means.
Highly Sensitive People
Dr. Elaine Aron popularized High Sensitivity starting in the 1990s. It describes a set of ways of interacting with our world based on greater receptiveness and responsiveness to the environment. The handy acronym “DOES” helps explain what being sensitive means:
Depth of processing: information isn’t just stored away in our brains. It’s mulled over, analyzed, and connected to countless other pieces of information. It often takes awhile to make decisions because so much is considered. It also can lead to creative and forward-thinking ideas.
Overstimulation: the threshold for taking in sensory information from the environment is lower, meaning that it can overwhelm our nervous system quickly. Think bright lights, loud sounds, crowded places, strong smells, certain textures.
Empathy and emotional reactivity: we feel all of the feelings all of the time. There may be times of calm, but the seas can get stormy especially when we are tired or overstimulated. We also often notice and take on the feelings of others, even when they haven’t expressed them out loud.
Sensing the subtle: we notice the small details and changes in our worlds that others may miss. An HSP will see that a picture was swapped in a frame, or that we haven’t dusted the ceiling fan recently. It can extend to an intuitive power to sense energy in a space.
To wrap it all together in a bow, HSPs notice a lot about the world, deeply consider all they notice, and make connections to come up with some amazing perspectives all while being in touch with our deep emotional experience as humans. This is an extraordinary power that can so greatly benefit humankind. And it often feels like a curse because of how taxing it can be to exist as an HSP in our world.
Here are some of the ways I’ve noticed feeling burned out as an HSP, both in myself and clients:
Denial of Being an HSP
“Why can’t I just get through a normal day without feeling so tired? Why is it so easy for my (family/friend/partner/coworker) to do all of these things and seem fine? I just need to be tougher and work harder.” When we deny our nature and push off our needs, we feel alone and inadequate. When we are able to see our sensitivity as something worth nurturing, we can meet ourselves with more compassion. The world needs more people with empathy and deep caring for others, an ability to see a bigger picture and brighter possibilities. These are all attributes of HSPs that can be grown and used to put more good into the world. The first step is recognizing and learning to accept it.
Challenges with Self-Care
This one is complex, because it means acknowledging and honoring your own physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. We know this, and yet often struggle in practice. What do you need each day? How much sleep? What nourishes you? What depletes you? Who relies on you? Who can you turn to for support? This process demands reflection and sometimes rediscovering yourself and what you actually like, not just what you do because others like it or you think you “should”. It also means prioritizing yourself where possible, which leads right into…
People-pleasing and Lack of Boundaries
I know, boundaries is a therapy buzzword. And I’m using it anyway because it’s important. Pay attention to what feels like your responsibility: for other people to be comfortable, not upset with you, for their experience to be easy? What does that require from you? People-pleasing serves a real purpose for each of us, and discovering why that is and testing its limits can help us understand ourselves better. Just because we easily notice the responses and feelings of others, and can often influence them using our brain’s computing power, it doesn’t mean we are responsible for them. It takes practice and time to change this pattern and it is worth the work.
There is so much more to being an HSP than I can say in one post. It can bring so much beauty and richness into your life and the lives of those around you, and I know how challenging it can be at times.
Take good care of yourself and know that you are not alone! You can find additional thoughts on Dr. Elaine Aron’s website, The Highly Sensitive Person, and the blog Sensitive Refuge.