The Fine Line Between Distraction and Avoidance
The difference between distraction and avoidance comes up frequently in therapy.
Like many other topics addressed in a therapy session, there is no black and white difference between distraction and avoidance since there is some level of subjectivity when it comes to how either can impact our lives. However, there is one key difference between distraction and avoidance: the function either serves in your life.
Distraction is a distress tolerance skill which can be great at helping us continue functioning with uncomfortable emotions, especially when we don’t have the time or ability to fully process them.
However, a key component of distraction is its time-limited nature. We can utilize distraction intentionally and temporarily to help us gather the strength and regulation to deal with difficult situations and emotions.
Basically, we take a break, gather ourselves, and then we end up confronting the uncomfortable thing. We are still allowing ourselves to move forward. An example of using distraction as a distress tolerance skill can be feeling overwhelmed at the thought of preparing for a big meeting for the next day after just working a stressful day. Distraction is when you watch an episode of Grey’s Anatomy while you eat dinner, but then after you still sit down to work on your powerpoint and complete the work.
Another way distraction can be helpful is to help us get past the peak of our urge to engage in maladaptive coping behavior. For example, If someone is struggling with compulsive reassurance seeking, and they get hit with a urge to ask their partner for reassurance, they could utilize distraction in the form of TV, reading, or talking to a friend until the urge subsides. Ultimately, It would be great to sit with our discomfort without having to use a skill, but in the early days of resisting a habitual unhealthy behavior, distraction can be crucial in assisting us to break from the behaviors that are no longer serving us.
On the other hand, avoidance is an attempt to suppress discomfort for a prolonged or indefinite period of time.
The line between distraction and avoidance is very thin. While distraction can be healthy coping, avoidance is a maladaptive coping skill. Maladaptive coping is a way of preventing us from feeling pain or discomfort in the short term, but unfortunately it doesn’t solve our problem and compounds into an even bigger dilemma down the road.
Consider the Grey’s Anatomy example above. Avoidance is when you have a lot of anxiety over preparing for the meeting, so instead of working on the powerpoint, you instead stay up all night binge watching Grey’s Anatomy. In the short term you might feel better because you did not have to confront the stress, anxiety, and uncertainty of working on your big project. In the long term it might create more anxiety and stress because of falling behind or not performing well at work. In this case, one instance of avoidance has created multiple life stressors which will likely create more anxiety, and the cycle continues or even compounds.
Next time you feel high anxiety and have a desire to scroll TikTok, binge watch a favorite TV show, or randomly start a new home improvement project, remind yourself that taking a break when you feel overwhelmed is an incredibly human thing to do. However, it is worth reflecting on whether you are engaging in distraction or avoidance. It is normal to want to procrastinate and all of us occasionally avoid completing unpleasant tasks, so we shouldn’t feel too much guilt or get into a shame spiral for doing it once in a while. At the same time, too much avoidance can negatively impact our lives. Therapy presents an opportunity to examine the roots of your avoidance and can help provide tools to deal with overwhelming or anxiety producing activities more productively.