Best sign ever hand lettered by Shannon Uttke at Ever Yours Paper Co.

There is a lot of heavy stuff happening in the world right now. A LOT of people are struggling in a LOT of very raw and real and painful ways. Some of it (social justice) will hopefully foster some much needed changes in our world. Some of it (COVID, the recession) is just plain shitty without much of a silver lining. It’s extremely easy to become overloaded with the hard stuff, especially right now when we’re in it for the long haul.

Chronic stress takes an incredible toll on the human body. It can have consequences that are both emotional and physical - ranging from something as simple as more frequent crying and fatigue all the way to diabetes. Our bodies perceive intense emotions as fear - and activate the fight/flight/freeze reaction. That’s fairly common knowledge. Less common is the knowledge of what happens next in our bodies to handle that stress. Chronic stress results in our stress hormones being released in our bodies repeatedly, and that can have serious and ongoing physical and emotional consequences. Chronic stress is linked to cardiac issues, depression, diabetes, and more. (Check out more here if you want to dig deeper to the specific processes and consequences at play).

Compassion fatigue is an associated set of symptoms that can occur when we are exposed continuously or repeatedly to the suffering of others. It’s super common in helping professions like nursing and social work, as well as in caregivers. It results in a feeling of numbness or indifference. (Check out more here to dig deeper and read specific symptoms to see if they apply to you).

To sum it all up: there’s a LOT of suffering going on right now, and a LOT of primary and secondary trauma. It is near impossible to feel ok right now. Almost everyone I talk to feels worn down and tired. But many of those people feel a responsibility to keep going and keep fighting and advocating even when they’re exhausted. That I get, for sure. I know that as an empath and therapist I need to be exceedingly diligent about keeping myself centered and ok enough to be able to do that work and help others - and no matter what field or role you are in, so do you. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Corny? Maybe. But 100% true. If you go and go and go until there’s nothing left - you have nothing left, either for yourself or for others. You have to do something to keep yourself centered.

But those things to keep you from maxing out have to actually be doable. If they aren’t, it just isn’t going to get done. I could suggest you take a weekend off from adulting and head to the spa, but that's probably not going to happen right now for a lot of reasons. A helpful list is actually going to fit into your life, and not be expensive or take up a whole ton of time.

Here’s a handy little list of shit to do to avoid burnout and keep rocking at what you do:

Sleep
Seriously. Sounds basic, but when we’re busy it goes out the window. Simple reigns in self care. Take a nap. Sleep in (unless your kids are ruthless like mine and need to smother you with attention at 6am). Go to bed early. Let your mind and body rest. Even just lie down while your kids are napping or the 30 seconds they’re playing together nicely.
Eat good stuff
Healthy and whole food is your friend. Processed or fast food is not. It’s going to make you feel even more sluggish and icky. I know it seems like a good quick option when you’re super busy or tired (French fries and I have a special relationship), but avoid it if you can. There’s also a lot of information out there that nutrition has a big impact on our mental health. Sometimes you’re not going to be able to avoid it and that’s ok - but do what you can.
(Side note because I find it fascinating - dairy is actually addictive!)
Put down the phone
Turn off your electronics for a bit. No, that doesn’t mean you’re ignoring what is happening in the world. You can’t press pause on reality. It means you are being conscious about what you can handle and making it a priority to also be present in your life. It also lets you temporarily reduce the stimulation your brain is receiving. Super helpful, especially if you’re working from home or have a job where you are on a computer for a good part of the day. Balance is extremely important. It’s super easy to get sucked into reading the entire internet when there’s so much hard stuff happening. Also, while we’re at it, buy yourself some blue light blocking glasses if you can and use them, particularly at night and before bed. Sometimes it’s helpful to track the amount of screen time that you’re using on your device - you might be surprised how easily “I’m just looking at one thing” turns into falling down the internet rabbit hole.
Meditate
I know. I know. How can you possibly turn your brain off enough to meditate? And aren’t most of those people kind of annoying and new age-y anyway? Nope, not all of them, there genuinely is good stuff out there. And the entire point of meditation is to teach your brain to be able to turn off or focus only on what you want it to. And that takes time and practice. Just like everything else, the more you do it the easier it is. I also find that just the act of setting aside that time and making myself a priority makes a difference. Studies show that less than ten minutes per day can have an impact. I personally use the Insight Timer app, but Calm and Headspace are good too. All three have free as well as paid content.

5. Move

Be in nature. Go on a hike. Dig in the garden with your kids. Go for a run. Explore something. Move your body. Do yoga. Pet your cat. Draw your attention to the present and your physical body. Be in the present and your physical body, at least for a little while.

6. Create

We need to address all of our needs (physical, social, intellectual, creative, emotional, spiritual) in order to remain balanced. Each of us has one that is the first to go, and creative seems to be super common. Paint something, Color a mandala. Write a poem. Create a recipe. Do a craft with your kids. Do something using the right side of your brain.

7. Talk to someone

Maybe its a therapist, maybe it’s your friend. Get some of the stuff out of your head. You need support too and it’s ok to ask for it. You deserve time to feel validated and valued. Everything you’re carrying right now is a lot. It’s ok to ask for help. It’s SMART to ask for help.

Need a referral to someone great? Email me and I’ll help connect you.

8. Say no (and mean it)

You don’t have to go to every Zoom happy hour that happens. You don’t have to sew 1000 masks or be at a protest every day in order to make a difference. People can make a difference in a whole host of different ways. Be conscious about what you do agree to do. A lot of us feel pressure to do and be all the things, but it’s just not possible and is a surefire way to max yourself out quickly. Pick the things that feel right to you right now and do those. Those things that come first might change and that’s ok too. You’re allowed to change your mind.

9. Have grace

Be nice to other people - but also be nice to yourself. Everyone is maxing out right now and could use some extra kindness. You can’t be everything to everyone, it will shatter and drain that cup in an instant. Attend to what matters and what you’ve prioritized, and let the other things go. Your list of things to do to care for yourself are going to be different than everyone else’s, and that’s ok too.

I want to reiterate - the point of this list is not to ignore what is happening in the world. Exactly the opposite - the point is (if you are able) to recenter yourself and fill up that cup so that you can continue going and focusing on all that is going on. Social justice and racism aren’t changing overnight. Cars need maintenance - and so do you. You can’t run yourself empty and think you’ll keep going.

Care for yourself - so that you CAN care for others.

If you’re out on the front lines, either in healthcare or social justice: thank you so much for your hard work. You are making a difference and your efforts do not go unnoticed.

If you are BIPOC: please care for yourself. The social justice movement can be extraordinarily retraumatizing. Please email me if I can help find a therapist or other services to support you. You matter and so does your mental health.