Anxiety is a normal human emotion.

We would never want to get rid of anxiety entirely because it serves a very valuable purpose. A normal level of anxiety can remind us to prepare for a big event, like a maid of honor speech. It can motivate us to complete unpleasant tasks, such as writing a big report for work, or it can prepare us to be vigilant in unsafe situations.

However, there is such a thing as too much anxiety. High levels of anxiety can start to get in the way of your normal functioning, impact relationships, and lower your mood. According to The Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 3.1% of the US population meets the criteria for Generalized Anxiety Disorder and often demonstrates these types of symptoms.

If you have ever experienced debilitating anxiety and searched for a way to reduce it, there’s a good chance you’ve heard of coping skills. Maybe you’ve practiced deep breathing, grounding skills, or distraction. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but coping skills will not cure your anxiety. They won’t even help you to manage it long term. This is because most coping skills are temporary distractions which rely on distracting you from the intensity of your emotions.

Coping skills can be a great tool, as long as you are aware of their function. Coping skills will allow you to regulate yourself long enough to focus on the task at hand, which is helpful in time-limited situations when you have no other choice, like a big test, a job interview, or dealing with a crisis. However, due to your avoidance of the intense emotion, the anxiety will likely return when you are faced with a similar situation in the future.

Instead of focusing on coping skills to help you anxiety short term, try working on these 4 things to help reduce your anxiety long term to bring you more happiness and fulfillment in your life, especially when dealing with situations that previously resulted in the crippling effects of acute anxiety.

1. Practice your tolerance of uncertainty. At the heart of all anxiety lies a fear of uncertainty and a discomfort with our lack of control. Unfortunately, uncertainty is a reality. There is very little in our direct control. The more time we spend googling, asking for reassurance, or ruminating on something, the bigger our anxiety will feel and we will be no closer to feeling the issue is resolved.

Instead, next time you find yourself anxious, try not to do anything about it. Instead sit with that discomfort and tell yourself, “maybe it will happen, maybe it won’t. It’s impossible to say right now.” I know this sounds so difficult! But I promise, the more you practice sitting with the discomfort of uncertainty, the easier it will become.

2. Reduce reassurance seeking. A few examples of self-reassurance include mentally reviewing a conversation with a friend to make sure we didn’t say anything offensive, or checking the doors multiple times to see if they are locked. It could be constantly checking for physical symptoms, like rashes or our blood pressure. Reassurance seeking can also involve other people. This usually looks like asking our partner “do you love me?” multiple times a week or asking a friend “are you mad at me?”

Reassurance seeking is like a quick fix for our anxiety. It makes us feel better temporarily, but like any quick fix, the relief does not last long and the craving for more reassurance will build up again quickly. Resisting to ask for reassurance helps us build our tolerance of uncertainty, and over time will reduce anxiety.

3. Utilize thought challenging. People who experience anxiety are more likely to experience “negative problem orientation.” This is when someone over-emphasizes the negative outcomes as opposed to the positive ones. We may catastrophize, generalize, personalize, or use all-or-nothing thinking for any given situation.

When you notice you are doing this, stop for a moment and recognize it for what it is. Put the anxious thought “on trial.” Think of evidence for and against your anxious thoughts, and try to come to a more balanced and logical thought process.

4. Partner with a therapist. Figuring out how to manage your anxiety long term can be a really scary process. Sitting with anxiety is hard! Finding a therapist you feel comfortable with will be an incredibly valuable tool as you learn to navigate and manage your unique anxieties. A therapist will help you learn when it may be appropriate to use coping skills, and when you may be better served using another technique.