Infertility & Couples Counseling
I previously blogged about the benefits of individual counseling when going through the journey of infertility. My sentiments from that blog still stand- If you are reading this because you are on a journey of fertility challenges, I am sorry. Infertility is unfair, hard, sad, frustrating, a lot of waiting, with intermittent glimpses of hope. My heart feels for you.
Now I want to speak to the benefits of couples counseling while on the journey of infertility.
As a couple navigating fertility challenges, you are faced with a lot! Decisions need to be made, sex is usually impacted, financials can go haywire, hormones get hijacked, schedules to adhere to, appointments to attend together and separate, all while maintaining your “normal” life, jobs, and relationship.
{sigh}
This is a lot!
Some relationships can weather this journey without much disruption. If that is your story- that is fantastic! Even the couples who are navigating fertility challenges and still feel connected can still benefit from some couples counseling. Why? Few reasons.
Dedicated time to come together and be intentional about connecting, communicating, and offering support.
Getting an hour in a week to simply be together, have some guided quality conversation about keeping things going well can be soo helpful. Then taking this skill and implementing it into your typical routine is also helpful.
Dedicated time to come together to celebrate the wins- both within fertility and in other areas of life.
This is a skills that not many of us are super great at in our normal day-to-day. Yet, it’s a skill that can be imperative to our mental health. In a time of a lot of stress and heartache, finding even the small wins can shift your perspective.
Time to make sure both of your needs are getting met- emotional, physical, mental, financial, spiritual, and sexual.
Sometimes in the hustle and bustle of life, with fertility challenges on top of it, we lose the opportunity to make sure our own needs are getting met, along with the needs of our partner and relationship. Again, this is an easy and commonly missed opportunity. We’ll discuss ways you both feels safe, heard, and understood in requesting needs, meeting needs, and supporting each other.
Some relationships experience bumps in the road on their fertility journey. That is okay! Again, fertility challenges are a lot. Here’s how couples counseling could look like within the lens of fertility challenges:
Establishing communication and understanding as to where each other is at mentally and emotionally on the fertility journey.
Sometimes feel like two ships passing in the night? Let’s slow that down. Perfect place to practice is in your weekly couples counseling session. With some guided conversation, we can find ways to help you and your partner talk with each other instead of at each other. I can help you hear what the other is saying, instead of just listening to each other. (There’s a difference!)
Discovering shared thoughts and feelings about the fertility journey.
I call this ‘joining’ with each other so no one feels isolated. We’ll continue that hearing each other skill I mentioned in the point above to make sure the two of you feel connected.
Sharing differences each person is having in the fertility journey.
This is important so you can learn how to support each other. One person may have a strength where the other needs support. So let’s learn how to lean on each other!
Finding ways to connect with each other- both within fertility and in other areas of life.
Getting an hour in a week to simply be together, have some guided quality conversation about life and all things in it can feel good. Then we’ll talk about how you can take this skill and implement it into your typical routine is also helpful.
Discussing where each of you are at in terms of getting needs met- emotional, physical, mental, financial, spiritual, and sexual.
Same as above- Sometimes in the hustle and bustle of life, with fertility challenges on top of it, we lose the opportunity to make sure our own needs are getting met, along with the needs of our partner and relationship. Again, this is an easy and commonly missed opportunity. We’ll discuss ways you both feels safe, heard, and understood in requesting needs, meeting needs, and supporting each other.
Having a safe space to discuss the highs and the lows of your journey.
There is a lot of emotion in fertility journeys. You are putting your heart into a chance at growing your family. Couples counseling can be a safe space, utilizing a non-biased and knowledgeable ear, to share feelings, hash things out, share fears, and in the end hopefully feel more connected to each other when you leave than when you came into the appointment.
Neither one of these lists are exhaustive. Therapy is going to be unique to you and your specific needs, goals, and circumstances.
Couples counseling remains beneficial along the entire family-building journey whether that be a successful pregnancy, changes to the plan, grief, or loss. Therapy can ebb and flow. Having an established relationship with a therapist is so helpful for whatever comes your way not only in fertility, but in life.
I have walked my own path in fertility experiences. I also have the perinatal training which speaks to helping those with fertility challenges. On some level, I get it. I can relate to those who are on this path. This allows me to have a unique way of connecting with you while you walk your journey. If you want to hear, I would be happy to share my experiences.
