Changes in the health of female bodies are often chalked up to “hormones” or met with “um, we don’t really know” which is little comfort when things don’t feel like your usual baseline. One major phase of life, - menopause - is often shrouded in many more stereotypes than actual helpful information.

And the part that’s really left in the dark? Perimenopause! That’s right, the super fun four to ten year period before menopause is even reached.

Perimenopause, sometimes called the menopause transition, is the time where you begin to notice symptoms of hormonally driven changes prior to actually being in menopause - the stage when the menstrual cycle completely stops. Perimenopause can ramp up anytime in your 40s, though some people experience it even earlier.

Some of the most common symptoms of perimenopause include:

changes in menstrual cycle regularity
mood swings or changes - especially sadness, anxiety, and irritability
trouble falling and staying asleep
hot flashes
brain fog

Sometimes perimenopause is described as “puberty in reverse.” Sounds fun, doesn’t it?

What does this mean for us psychologically?

Generally, there’s a sense of lack of control, as our bodies are starting to behave and revolt in exciting new ways. There is an increased risk for experiencing depressive and anxious symptoms, especially for people with a history of those symptoms. If you’ve already noticed hormonal changes corresponding with your menstrual cycle, these may be more pronounced now too. The nervous system is on edge, which means our bodies start to operate with less tolerance to the things we could normally overlook. The little things may start to become unbearable and awaken feelings of rage.

These shifts often affect relationships, especially your partner, kids, or anyone else with whom you spend significant time. And on top of all of these challenges, there’s how we view ourselves: how do you feel and act when you aren’t showing up the way you want?

All of this may be amplified further if you are a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), because you already notice these subtle shifts and changes in your body more than others might. It can be more challenging to release health-related anxiety. The changes in mood and physical symptoms may hit harder, as you already think and feel so deeply. Sensory input can go into overdrive more quickly than before, and you may need even more rest than usual.

Yikes. So what do we do?

I believe we can frame this time as an opportunity - because living in a female body is tough enough already, and if we don’t really have a choice that this shift is going to happen, we might as well take control where we can.

Let’s examine some purposeful ways to take this change into your own hands where possible:

Self-care:
Keep doing what works, experiment with new methods, or start to implement self-care if you haven’t already. Focus on your basic needs first, like sleep, nourishment, and movement. Try and support your body through this immense change, even if it has started to feel like a stranger. Your body isn’t the enemy, even when it feels like it. It deserves care and kindness, and so do you. If you’re already engaging in a solid self care routine, increase where you can. Add some extra luxury, joy, or time to the care and compassion you show for yourself.
Values and purpose:
Perimenopause can be a chance to explore and lean into what really matters to you. If you no longer feel like tolerating certain things, look at why and how you can support a new outlook on yourself and your life. Examine the things that you are doing because you want to (or actually need to), and the things that you are doing because you feel like you are supposed to. What things can be taken off of your plate? What things are no longer serving you? What things are no longer yours to carry, or never were? What can you shed in this transition? What needs to be left behind?
Self-compassion:
The hardest thing for many people is to look at ourselves with kindness, even if you’d tell a friend in the exact same situation as you to be gentle and that they’re doing great while you internally berate yourself for being a monster. You are not a monster, you are going through something hard and deserve some grace. Offer it to yourself. You deserve it. Truly.

This is a process that will (thankfully) eventually end, and until then there is hope and support. Many symptoms can be eased with different forms of treatment, which means consulting with a trusted and experienced medical provider to see what’s right for you. Community can help you feel more connected and less isolated in shame. Find a coven of others who can understand and support you through this time, and perhaps other professionals (like us!) who can navigate this wild ride with you.

If you’re looking for a therapist to help you navigate this stage of life, check out our providers and then fill our our new client inquiry form to get started!