Hi! Emily here. We are beginning a series of blog posts from parents, centering on their individual parenting and postpartum journeys. Each of our stories is different, and these highlight some of the experience and perspective of those of us that are on the other side!

First up is Heather Nischke! I first met Heather through Postpartum Support International. We have been Climb Leaders together for several years, and she is an all-around all star human being. Heather is also a doula and birth photographer. She does amazing work in all of her roles (No, like, legit - she’s fantastic!). You can find more about her and her business here.

I’m a relatively young mom, we recently celebrated my 31st birthday during quarantine. I have three boisterous wildings, aged 11.5, 8.5, and 6.5. Outside of the paramount role of “MOOOOOOOM!”, I’m also a professional birth photographer, doula, and perinatal mental health advocate. We were the first couple to do all of the things within our friend group, we got married young, settled into our house, and figured why not start our family too. We knew pregnancy and parenting wouldn’t be easy, but I think we were really naive when it came to how hard it truly was going to be for us.

It took us a year to conceive our first baby, we were ecstatic when we finally got that positive pregnancy test. The first trimester of my pregnancy was really emotional, not everybody in our family was supportive at first and that weighed heavily on me. I also struggled finding a caregiver that truly supported me and our journey. The first OB we worked with was extremely clinical and very medicalized, which wasn’t quite what I was expecting but what really tipped the scale was how he treated both me and my husband. He was really rough with examinations, he wouldn’t acknowledge my husband, or answer our questions and he’d give us misinformation. Looking back it was likely due to ageism and racism, as we were a young interracial couple. I consulted with a few other doctors before finding a provider and practice that felt right, things got exponentially better.

Around the halfway point we were faced with the opportunity and decision to welcome our oldest into our home. Our nephew Sam was almost 2.5 when we started our adoption journey, that had many ups and downs, a process that took nearly two years. Going from being childfree to having a toddler was fun, we really made the most of that time together. We had trips to the zoo, we went out on boat tours, and baseball games. All of that came crashing to a halt when I went into premature labor at 36 weeks.

Suddenly our lives turned to chaos, we spent two weeks in the NICU with a congenital airway condition. Juggling time in the hospital with your first baby while keeping your toddler in mind felt incredibly overwhelming but it was nothing compared to navigating home life with a newborn and toddler! I was struggling in so many ways, my husband was doing the best he could but there was something clearly off. I thought it was stress related, since going from zero kids to a toddler and newborn with health conditions to monitor in less than 6 months was A LOT!

The first 18 months of parenthood is hard to reflect back on, not only is everything a blur because of normal postpartum changes, it was genuinely one of the worst time periods of my life. I’m not a stranger to mental health struggles, I’ve battled depression, anxiety, and PTSD most of my life but that felt nothing like dealing with my postpartum mental health. I didn’t feel depressed or even anxious the way I have in the past, this was different.

The triggers weren’t clear but they were constant and my reactions were typically bursts of anger followed by meltdowns and lots of crying. I would literally go from feeling “fine” to exploding and crumbling within minutes. At first it was only every few weeks so I “passed” the screening at my 6 week follow up appointment. Gradually the explosions increased in frequency and at its worst daily on the drive to work.

My boss at the time was fantastic, he allowed me so much freedom and grace. He truly recognized what I was going through as he was a young father too. He continued supporting my exclusive pumping journey and encouraged me to continue pumping at work after a year if I needed to. He opened up about his wife’s journey with postpartum depression and anxiety, he talked about therapy and medication in such a normal way. I only looked at him as a great, supportive partner to his wife when in reality he was telling me that he was there for me too. Finally at 18mo postpartum I decided to quit my job and focus on being a mom and healing.

Things instantly lifted after being home for a month and by two months we found out we conceived again! This time I was determined to have a different experience and took control over the things I could. I found a better fitting care provider from the very beginning, I wanted to birth out of hospital with a midwife, and I attended a birthing/motherhood conference in which many of the speakers were speaking on topics that applied to me. Learning about the redflags of PMADs and then in turn finding new local organizations that could provide me with local connections was huge, I was also connecting with my body and mind on a deeper level by practicing meditation. I still developed signs of postpartum anxiety around 8mo postpartum, I saw a therapist for a short period and took medication for a little while too. Things got better for a while.

Katie O’Connor (Lumos Wellness), Alexis Bruce (MMHI), Emily Aleksy (ERA Wellness), Heather Nischke (Heather Nischke Birth Services), and Sarah Bloomquist (MMHI) at the 2019 Climb Out of the Darkness

I found myself unexpectedly pregnant again as my anxiety was at one of its worst points ever. I was almost 2 years postpartum and none of my coping techniques were helping, I was triggered by all of the current events at the time. I was trying to consider how I wanted to move forward as an individual, partner, and mom who was deeply struggling again. Shortly after processing my reality and coming to terms of having a 4th child, I miscarried. I started to spiral but didn’t let it linger, I reached out to Moms Mental Health Initiative and they connected me to a phenomenal therapist. With her support and eventually medication I learned how to cope again. I processed all of the new layers, including being a mom of three again. I eventually got on an antidepressant and have been taking it regularly ever since.

Now that I’m 4 years removed from the worst of my mental health struggles, I often remind other new parents about the common red flags to look for, I tell them where they can get help locally and online. The two things I stress to everybody, first that this isn’t going to last forever and second that they are good parents, the thoughts they’re having are just thoughts, not actions, not a lack of love. As parents we need to remember that we are just as resilient as our children and that breaking cycles and healing from trauma isn’t easy but it’s worth every ounce of effort.

Support Heather by checking out her business here.

Interested in sharing your own parenting journey? Email Emily at emily@erawellnesstherapy.com.