MMH Week 2020 - Getting Vulnerable on a Monday

May 4

Happy Maternal Mental Health Week, friends!

This is a copy of a post I wrote for Facebook two years ago, in 2018. I reposted it on my personal page last year, but wanted to share it again. It’s one of the most vulnerable things I’ve ever written - and I cry every time I read it.

But every single word still rings true.

I don’t share a lot that really hits as deep personally as this, but if it helps even one person - I think that’s worth it.

Also look at what babies we are! We look so young and well rested…

Being a mom has changed my relationship with just about everything. It’s changed my marriage, the way I see the world, how I practice therapy. And intertwined in that is my own mental health.

Mental health is my life. It’s what I’ve chosen to do as a career and what I feel passionate about. This passion has also made my own journey with maternal mental health very complicated. I’m not ready to talk publicly about how it felt, and I may never be. Being a provider in mental health has added an extra layer of shame there for me. I am so thankful for all of the women who have been able to do that this week, their words mean more than I can ever express. I hope that the moms out there struggling silently find the strength to ask for help. Because asking for help is not weak, it’s one of the strongest things you can do. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

My own journey over the last years has taught me a lot about myself. It has changed my marriage, the way I see the world, how I practice therapy. It has also made me want to work towards making sure that moms everywhere have the resources that they need to be healthy; regardless of race, socioeconomic class, or any other barrier. Because getting what I needed, someone who lives in the world of mental health treatment, was hard enough.

This picture is of James and I on our wedding day just a few months before we found out I was pregnant with Dom.

If I could go back and tell them anything, I would tell them that it will be OK.

I would tell them to lean on each other.

I’d tell them they’d need each other.

I’d tell them that their relationship will change, and that would be OK too.

I’d tell him what to look out for.

I would tell her that she didn’t have to feel the way that she would.

I would tell her that being a therapist doesn’t always mean that you can heal yourself.

I’d tell her to ask for help sooner.

I’d tell her that she would be a great mom and that she would be the exact right mom for her kids.

I’d tell her that she wasn’t alone, that she wasn’t to blame, and that with help, she would be well.

I’d tell her that it would be worth it.