Judgey McJudgerson and the Pandemic Decisions
Hey there.
I know shit is like SUPER hard right now. Particularly if you’re a parent. Even more so if your kids are school age or in daycare.
First: trust yourself and the decisions that you are making for your child. You are doing the very best you can in an impossible situation.
And the rest of us are too. I’ve seen a lot of judgement about choices that parents are having to make for child care or school, and we need to just scratch that situation completely.
That mom choosing to home school? Don’t think of her as afraid or overreacting - think of her as making the best decision she can for her family.
That dad choosing virtual school? Same thing. He’s doing the best he can.
That parent sending their kid to school in person? Again. Doing the best they can in an impossible situation.
Of ALL of the parents I’ve talked to - both personally and professionally - no one is ok with the decision they are having to make. No one feels good about what is happening. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but we’re in the middle of a mother effing PANDEMIC. There are no good options and all of the options have consequences. Making that kind of decision about your kids is heartbreaking.
So everyone needs a little extra kindness and support right now.
And you know what else we need?
To not judge one another’s choices.
To not talk shit about the mom down the block who is choosing to do or has to do whatever is different from what you are. (Keep an eye on that “has to” - not everyone has options, or even the same options you do.) Judging her decision is not going to make you feel better about yours. It’s not going to keep anyone any safer and less stressed to feel alone or judged or shamed. And quite honestly I don’t think you need that kind of unhealthy vibe in your life. Don’t let those icky thoughts fester. It’s not going to lead you anywhere good.
Remember in like 5th grade when you knew the cool kids were talking smack about you behind your back because you said something dumb in class or wore something that just wasn’t cool? Remember how gut wrenching that felt? It’s kind of like that, but worse. Partially because we’re adults and frankly should know better by now. But also because it’s not just you you’re making decisions for - those are your babies and their health and safety is the most important thing in the world. Being forced into making impossible decisions (thanks, Pandemic) feels awful enough. But knowing that someone thinks you’re a shitty parent because of what you choose or have to do? We’re back to that gut-wrenching-5th-grade-bully kind of feeling. Somehow our country and culture have become remarkably polarized, even in something like parenting, where we should be lifting each other up. There’s an attitude of competition and judgement of those who don’t agree with us (I’m looking at you, breastfeeding and circumcision debates). But I think we’ve forgotten some very important truths.
I don’t win because you’re losing.
I’m not doing better because you’re doing worse.
Life and parenthood are not contests.
And if in some ass backward way it is - I don’t really want to win a contest that is based on you struggling. I want us all to do well in parenting. I want every parent to be able to make the decision that is right for their family, not the one they feel shamed into making.
We all know that we all struggle sometimes. Parenthood is hard AF. Like HARDDDDDD (sorry for bursting the bubble of any future parents, but guys I’m not lying on this one). Right now you might be rocking it. Spoiler alert: I’m not and it’s ok if you’re not either. But that’s all going to come back around again and when it’s your turn to have a hard time I’m sure you’ll appreciate that very same grace that you’re giving.
You get what you give. Adjust your mindset to honor others in choosing their own path for their own family, both mid-pandemic and otherwise. There is literally no benefit to anyone to encourage that judgement within yourself. Cultivate kindness within yourself and your world.
