Winter is Coming: Making a Plan and Simplifying Your Life
WINTER IS COMING
In a mostly-not-Game-of-Thrones sort of way.
I know we don’t want to think about this quite yet… but I’m starting to plan for winter. Not just like, shovels and mittens and crap, but a plan for how we’re going to survive it. This winter promises to be kind of a shitty one, between general winter BS and this never-ending pandemic. I’ve already seen articles coming out expecting seasonal affective disorder to be worse this year. So if you are already prone to it, buck up and make a plan! If you’re not prone to it…. make a plan anyway because this winter is really probably not going to be a great one. And it’s better to have that plan and not need it than to wind up maxed out in December with months of winter to go. Make things as easy on yourself or as simple as you can. You can get back to the “doing all the things” when this nonsense is over.
OK, like how do I even do that?
Brainstorm ideas for managing different areas of your life and responsibilities. Be clear on what realistic is for you right now - and what you can do if shit totally hits the fan.
Here’s a format for a quick and easy plan to help identify your red flags and triggers for overwhelm and what to do when you’re struggling. You can print it out to fill out and post somewhere, screen shot and complete on your phone, whatever fits for you.
DISCLAIMER: If you are struggling with a mental health disorder - a plan like this is not going to be sufficient. You should be working with a therapist and/or prescriber. If you can’t get out of bed, are having suicidal thoughts, or are hopeless, you need help NOW. If you need immediate assistance, dial 911 or head to your nearest emergency room if you feel safe doing so. You can also google crisis lines in your area (Ozaukee County is COPE Hotline : 262-377-2673), or call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 800-273-8255.
If you suspect you may be suffering from seasonal affective disorder, check your symptoms here or find a professional to work with.
Please call or email me if you need help linking up with a provider.
What your plan should have on it:
Red Flags
What are your warning signs? Snapping at people, crying easily, skipping your workouts, messy house? What are the things that pop up when you’re really struggling? Identifying what these are and keeping an eye on them helps you intervene sooner - and the sooner you can intervene the easier things are.
Triggers
What are the things that you know are going to trigger you? Chaos, messy house, lack of sleep, kid tantrums? Things that you know are going to make it harder for you to manage much of anything well. Once you identify these you can either manage them as they pop up knowing that they make things harder or work to prevent things where you can.
Support People
Who are the people that you can trust to support you when you’re really struggling? A close friend, a partner, therapist, family member? People that GET you and support you unconditionally.
Top Priorities
What are your three non-negotiables that you HAVE to get done? Child care, work, self care, etc. What are the things that you know you need to prioritize when things are really challenging? Do those first. Then if you have time and energy to accomplish other stuff, you can. But only after those 3 things are in good shape.
Coping Skills
What things help you feel better? What things help your mood stabilize and feel more in control? Exercise, therapy, meditation, naps, etc.
Calling in Reinforcements
What can you implement quickly to make things more manageable and take something off of your plate? Hire a cleaning person (either as a one-off or regular occurrence), order takeout, call a babysitter?
Gratitude
What can you shift your attention to that feels good or is more positive? Can you attend to something that feels calming or hopeful?
What should I keep in mind when I’m making that plan?
Mood
Winter is a low point for a lot of people anyway. In a typical year, seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is present in about 5% of adults. We’ve already seen rising rates of other mental health issues since the start of this pandemic, at this point we need to expect that it’s going to increase and prevent where we can.
It may make sense to track or evaluate your mood on a regular basis, particularly if you have a menstrual cycle, which we know affects mood anyway. Just jotting things down in a period tracker app or on a calendar can help identify patterns that you may not have otherwise noticed. Knowing that there are certain days or time periods that you feel irritable or anxious can be useful because you then know the cause and that it is time limited, not a continual mood shift.
Light therapy can be super helpful for places that don’t get a lot of natural sunlight in the winter. They are available on places like Amazon, and can be reasonably priced (<$50, search for “light therapy lamp” or “SAD light”). Look for one with at least 10,000 LUX and use daily as directed. Lights like this are super easy to use and have very low risk for any adverse effects. Flip it on while you’re working at your desk or having your morning coffee and you’re good to go!
You can also have your doctor test your levels of things like Vitamin D and supplement where needed. Please speak with your doctor or other provider before adding any supplements, particularly if you are on other medications.
Finally - manage your input. Delete Facebook or turn off the news if you need to. Yes you should be informed about the world, but it’s not going to fall apart if you turn that off for the day and preserve your own stability.
Meals/Nutrition
Maybe not the time to make complicated meals, unless that’s your thing and isn’t stressful for you. In our family, winter nights always seem so much shorter so taking hours to make dinner is just not going to happen. You also may have less energy to do so. Plan ahead. We meal plan for the week based on what we feel like eating and what is on sale. Plan for leftovers to carry you through for lunches. And sneak in some extra veggies! Sometimes if I make a more complicated meal like homemade lasagna or soup, I’ll make an extra and freeze it. Meals like that are great if you’re short on time or motivation but need something delicious and comforting.
Meal subscription boxes can be a good option. You don’t have to go out, and somebody else did the thinking and planning and shopping for you. It just shows up on your doorstep like magic. You can also support local small businesses that create take and bake or frozen meals. Yummy food for you, sustainable business for them. Wins all around.
The slow cooker is your friend. Bonus: your house smells good all day too. There are a billion recipes on Pinterest with all sorts of yummy ideas and options for dietary restrictions like gluten or dairy free.
Keep your kiddo’s favorite foods stocked and ready to go. We put a snack basket on the lower shelf of our pantry with relatively healthy snacks that I know my kids will reliably eat (parents, you know what I’m talking about here) so they can grab that or fruit like apples or bananas off the counter as needed without me having to be their snack bitch.
Try to get healthy foods in. A lot of us default to fast food or unhealthy processed stuff when we’re stressed and tired, but that is truly not going to help you feel any better!
Physical Activity
Will gyms be open through the winter? Honestly I have no idea. But there are lots of apps that have various workouts on them. I did a trial of the Peloton app and really liked it. They have all kinds of on demand and live classes like yoga, bootcamp, and even running. We don’t have a bike, but there are a bunch of other solid options.
You can also do live virtual classes at a lot of fitness places right now. Several yoga studios near me stream their classes, if you are a person who needs live interaction as accountability or social connection.
I will be getting outside as much as possible with my kiddos this winter, but even that requires some extra prep and planning ahead. I’ve already gone through our winter gear and made a list of what we need to be outside as much as possible. I also try to check the weather at the beginning of the week and plan out what days might feel a bit more tolerable for my kiddos to be outside. Full disclosure they LOVE playing outside and once I get them out it’s hard to get them back it. A lot of times it’s more ME that keeps us in, so I’ve made sure I have the supplies to stay warm and comfy out there too because if mom’s crabby, everyone’s crabby.
Social Interaction
This is going to be one of the super tricky ones. A lot of social interaction in the last six months has happened because we’ve been able to be outside and social distance. Not quite as easy in a midwest winter! If you aren’t tapped out on Zoom or Facetime, schedule dates with a friend or two. This month I was able to meet up with a friend in person, grab coffee and sit outside a reasonable distance from one another. And it was awesome. It felt like a little tiny piece of normalcy that I needed.
You can also plan to meet up outside with other families when your kids are playing in the snow. It gives everyone a change of scenery and a break from torturing your own siblings.
I also have a mom group that I chat with daily through Facebook. Even if it isn’t actual face to face communication, it makes me feel like there’s someody out there that gets what I’m going through.
Stir Crazy Children
My top 3 parenting tips are right here. Pay attention.
Change your scenery: when my kids are going nutso, we change up the scenery. Go outside if we can, even just changing rooms helps a lot of the time. Have them hop in the tub and have a bath. Throw some toys in there and let them go to town (BONUS: wiping up all the water they get on the floor counts as mopping. And the kids get clean-ish. Wins all around.) We’re lucky to have a finished basement so they crash around down there a lot. I also split up my kids if they just won’t stop messing with one another and everybody goes and does something separate for a little while until they reset.
Snacks are magic: snacks help everybody with everything. Crabby kids? Snacks. Tired kids? Snacks. Maxed out mom? Snacks.
Bribery and distraction: if your kid is doing something they shouldn’t or won’t do something you want - distraction and/or bribery. “Ooh look a dog!” I’m telling you, it works.
Am I going to be crowned mom of the year? Nope. But that’s alright. It’s survival mode here.
Remember your goal: survive the winter.
Do what you need to do to make your life easier over this winter. Protect your mental and physical wellness, as well as that of your family. That is what truly matters right now. Not getting all the things done, not having a spotless house, not parenting flawlessly. We are all doing the best we can with what we have in any given moment.
Do what you can. You’re doing great.
Alright, Emily. I read this article. And then I promptly forgot about it and totally didn’t have a plan and now I’m stressed the eff out.
Breathe.
Then simplify. Cut out the extraneous shit that you don’t need to do and start building something manageable and sustainable. Order take out, skip virtual learning for the day, do whatever you’ve gotta do to keep your family in a good space.
And give yourself some grace.
