How do I Help Someone With Postpartum Depression?
Postpartum depression (PPD) is a serious and often misunderstood condition that affects approximately 1 in 7 mothers after childbirth, and up to 1 in 10 fathers or partners. While the experience of becoming a parent is often romanticized as a time of joy and bonding, the reality for many people includes intense feelings of sadness, anxiety, and hopelessness. For those facing PPD, the support of partners, family members, and friends is crucial during this time.
Signs of Postpartum Depression
The first step in supporting someone with postpartum depression is recognizing the signs. While many people who give birth experience the “baby blues” — a temporary period of mood swings, crying spells, and anxiety — PPD is more intense and lasts longer. The symptoms can vary widely but often include:
Persistent sadness or low mood: A person with PPD may feel overwhelming sadness, tearfulness, or a sense of emptiness that doesn’t go away.
Loss of interest in activities: They might lose interest in activities they used to enjoy, including bonding with baby.
Severe anxiety or panic attacks: Intense worry, panic attacks, or obsessive thoughts about the baby’s safety or their own abilities as a parent are common.
Irritability or anger: Increased irritability, frustration, or anger, sometimes directed toward the baby or other family members.
Changes in sleep and appetite: A person with PPD may experience insomnia or excessive sleeping, as well as changes in appetite, such as overeating or loss of appetite.
Feelings of guilt or worthlessness: They might feel like a failure as a parent, harbor excessive guilt, or believe they is not bonding with her baby.
Difficulty concentrating: Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things can also be signs of PPD.
PPD can develop any time within the first year after childbirth, not just in the immediate weeks following delivery. Partners and family members should be continue to be aware of these signs, even if they appear months after the baby is born. Times of transition - like sleep regressions, return to work, or return of the menstrual cycle - can be particularly difficult.
PLEASE NOTE
While all the below suggestions can be helpful, there are times where immediate professional intervention is needed. If someone is expressing deep hopelessness (“Everyone would be better off without me”), thoughts of harm to themselves or someone else, or symptoms of psychosis like hallucinations or sudden drastic personality changes - immediate help is needed. Contact a crisis line, call 911, or head to the ER.
National Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 74174
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: Dial 988
Providing Emotional Support
Emotional support is a cornerstone of helping a parent with postpartum depression. It involves being present, listening without judgment, and validating their feelings.
1. Be a Non-Judgmental Listener
One of the most valuable things you can do for someone experiencing PPD is to listen to them without judgment. Allow them to express their feelings, even if they seem negative or difficult to hear. Avoid offering solutions immediately; sometimes just being heard is what is needed most. If this is a challenge for you, you can even ask “Would you like solutions or validation?”
2. Validate Feelings
It’s essential to acknowledge that their feelings are real and valid. Avoid minimizing experiences by saying things like, “It’s just the baby blues” or “At least you’re both healthy ” or “Is it really that bad?” Instead, acknowledge the difficulty of this time period and reassure them that it’s okay to feel this way. If you aren’t sure what to say, you can literally say “I’m not sure what to say to help, but I am here for you and I support you.”
3. Offer Reassurance
Many people with PPD feel like they are failing as parents, or that their baby deserves better. Offer reassurance with reminders that these feelings are not their fault and are not uncommon. Let them know that they is not alone in this experience and that help is available. You can say “I know this is really hard, but it’s not your fault. I know it feels impossible right now but you are a great parent and things will get better.”
4. Encourage Open Communication
Encourage them to talk about their feelings and experiences without fear of judgment. Let them know that it’s okay to share even the most challenging thoughts. This open communication can help your loved one feel less isolated and more supported.
5. Be Patient and Understanding
Recovery from PPD is not a linear process (unfortunately), and there will be good days and bad days. Be patient and understanding, offering consistent support without expecting immediate improvement. If you are struggling, you can get help for yourself also. Supporting someone with PPD can be stressful, and you deserve to be well too.
Providing Practical Support
While emotional support is vital, practical support can also make a significant difference in the life of a person with postpartum depression. PPD can make everyday tasks feel overwhelming, so helping with these tasks can alleviate some of the burden. It can also be really hard for people with PPD to ask for help, because they feel like they should be able to do everything for baby. If you are not able to help with the below ideas, you can recruit help from friends, family, or professionals also.
1. Assist with Baby Care
This might include changing diapers, feeding the baby, or soothing the baby when they cry. By taking on some of these responsibilities, you allow the parent to rest and take care of themselves.
2. Help with Household Chores
Taking care of a newborn often leaves little time for household chores. Offer to help with cooking, cleaning, laundry, or grocery shopping. Even small tasks like preparing a meal or tidying up can significantly reduce household stress. If something like cooking feels like too much, try a meal delivery service. Simple Eats Milwaukee is a local option with nutrient dense and allergy sensitive prepared meals.
3. Encourage Rest and Self-Care
Parents with PPD often neglect their own needs because they are so focused on the baby. Encourage them to take breaks, rest, and engage in self-care activities. This might mean taking a nap, enjoying a warm bath, or simply having some quiet time alone. Talk with them about how to do this - leaving the house without baby might feel like too much, but does it feel ok to wear noise cancelling headphones to get some quiet?
4. Create a Supportive Environment
Creating a calm and supportive home environment can help reduce stress. This might involve reducing noise, maintaining a routine, or ensuring that the parent has time and space to relax. Cluttered environments tend to be more stressful, and babies come with a lot of clutter and stuff. Are there things that can be put away or minimized for now?
5. Organize a Support Network
If you’re not able to be there all the time, consider organizing a support network of family members or friends who can help out. This can include scheduling visits, arranging for meals to be delivered, or coordinating childcare. Online groups can even be helpful, as people in different time zones can be available at all times of the day and night. A strong support network can make a big difference in a parent’s ability to cope with PPD.
Encouraging Professional Help
While emotional and practical support are crucial, professional help is often necessary to manage and overcome postpartum depression. It’s important to encourage help from a healthcare provider, therapist, or counselor who specializes in perinatal mental health.
1. Normalize Seeking Help
Many parents feel ashamed or guilty about needing help for postpartum depression. Normalize the idea of seeking professional help by discussing it openly and without judgment. Remind them that PPD is a medical condition, not a personal failing, and that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
2. Offer to Help Find Resources
Finding the right resources can be overwhelming, especially when dealing with PPD. Offer to help research therapists, support groups, or treatment options. You can also help schedule appointments and accompany them to initial visits if they feels anxious about going alone. Postpartum Support International has both online groups and a provider list - both are completely free. They also have a national Helpline to get basic information, support, and resources: 1-800-944-4773. If you are local to Milwaukee, Moms Mental Health Initiative is a great area resource with tons of support including dedicated staff to help connect you to the help you need (for reals, they’re awesome, and also completely free).
3. Discuss Treatment Options
Educate yourself about the treatment options available for PPD, including therapy, medication, and support groups. Discuss these options with them in a supportive and non-pressuring way, helping them to understand that there are effective treatments available. You can also accompany your loved one to a doctor’s appointment and help bring it up with their physician.
4. Respect Decisions
While it’s important to encourage professional help, it’s also crucial to respect their decisions and know that this can be a scary thing. If a person is not ready to seek help, continue to provide support and gently encourage them over time. If you become concerned about their safety or safety of the baby, you do need to act immediately (see resources below). Remember that there are many different kinds of help available, and some may feel more accessible or doable than others. Maybe they aren’t ready to talk to their doctor about meds, but could attend a local new parent group. Maybe therapy doesn’t feel quite right, but they are open to peer support. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all PPD plan.
5. Be There Through the Process
Seeking treatment for PPD can be a daunting process, and recovery takes time. Be there for them throughout this journey, offering encouragement and support at every step. Celebrate their progress, no matter how small, and remind them that they are not alone in this.
Postpartum depression is a challenging and often isolating experience, but with the right support, parents can and do recover. If you’re supporting someone with postpartum depression, remember that your presence, understanding, and compassion can make a world of difference. Your support is not only valuable—it’s essential. By offering a helping hand, a listening ear, and a reassuring voice, you are helping to guide someone through one of the most challenging times of their life.
Resources with Links:
Postpartum Support International
Groups: Over 50 free online support groups for various perinatal-related topics
Provider Directory: Free listings of trained providers.
Helpline: Basic information, support, and resources. Open 8am-11pm EST, messages are returned every day of the week.
National Maternal Mental Health Hotline:
833-852-6262
Licensed counselors provide free, confidential support
Moms Mental Health Initiative
Free, Milwaukee-based support
Staff help connect help seekers directly with providers and other resources. They don’t just hand you a list, they’re going to make sure you get connected.
Crisis Lines
National Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 74174
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: Dial 988
