How to Find YOUR Therapist
Finding a therapist is HARD. Finding a really great therapist for you specifically? Even harder. It’s like a weird one sided blind dating game.
The success of therapy is hugely dependent upon what we call the therapeutic alliance. That’s just a fancy name for the relationship between therapist and client, but it is amazingly important. It’s pretty reasonable to assume that liking your therapist’s style and feeling like they get you would lead to better outcomes in therapy. But the research behind it is astounding. A strong therapeutic alliance repeatedly and consistently shows up as a huge determining factor in client progress, even more so than the actual method of therapy being used (check out this meta analysis of 295 independent studies about the alliance if you’re interested in the numbers behind it - including data on telehealth).
So then - how do we get you connected with that therapist that’s going to rock your world and help make your brain make sense? Here’s what to do before you sign up to sit down on that couch.
Ask people you trust
Does your bestie see a therapist? Your neighbor? Ask them if they like their clinician and why. Even if that therapist doesn’t advertise that they specialize in what you’re looking for, their style might be a good fit for you. For example, I specialize in women with postpartum mood disorders or stress & anxiety. It’s where I have the most training. But - I have several clients who are men or grieving or adolescents or elderly that I also enjoy working with. The key? Our therapeutic alliance. They feel like I get them and where they’re coming from. (The caveat to this is some specialized issues - I won’t take on some specific situations that are not in my wheelhouse and I know I won’t do well or don’t have the training for. But I’m always happy to help connect you to someone who does do that work and can help you heal.)
By the same token - do you know any therapists? Ask them! They won’t be able to take you on as a client (even if they wish they could!) because ethics, yo. But they might have a few names of other clinicians they know and like working with. I have a few therapists that I know that I love referring people to. I know they are solid clinicians and awesome people, and I’m happy to send people their way if I think they’d be a good match.
Read websites
On the whole, therapist websites often leave something to be desired. We’re not always tech-savvy or business people or particularly good at writing. We’re here because we like helping people, not because we’re good at advertising it. But sometimes therapists have good websites (cough cough me?) that can give you a good indication of their style and how they work. This can be a good way to see if someone might be a good fit to work with. For example, I curse on my website (Sorry Grandma! But you’re not on the internet anyway…). If that’s not something you like, I might not be the person for you. If it IS something you like, that might make you feel like I get you and who you are and we’d do good work together.
Ask for a phone consult
Scheduling an appointment, then waiting for it, then paying for it, then slogging through a few sessions before you know your therapist isn’t right for you? Torture. Then you have to start over with someone new? More torture. It’s super discouraging as a client to tell your story over and over.
A lot of clinicians are now offering complimentary phone consultations to chat a little bit about how they do things before scheduling an official appointment. This is something I recently started doing that I actually like a lot and have found really helpful on both sides. This first conversation is more low key, which is helpful because sometimes that first appointment can feel really scary as a client. There isn’t a ton of paperwork or other crap to fill out first, it’s quick, and it’s free!
Then ASK questions! Ask what their style is like, how they schedule appointments, what their typical process is like, what their cancellation policy is, how they take payment, and whatever else you want to know about what to expect if you choose to work with them.
Be honest with your therapist
If you’ve gotten through a few (or a lot) of sessions and just aren’t clicking - TELL. YOUR. THERAPIST.
Seriously, guys. As therapists we WANT you to do well. We want you to get what you need. That is literally the entire point of therapy.
If we’re not a good fit, we’re not a good fit, and that’s ok. My main goal is for you to get what you need. If you don’t like me or my style or think I’m full of crap - it’s just not going to work for you. Then let’s find you someone who DOES work for you and what you need.
Finding YOUR therapist isn’t always easy. But when you do find that person? It’s so so worth it.
Need help finding someone that gets you? Let me know!
You can email me at emily.@erawellnesstherapy.com or call 414.301.3411. I’m happy to help connect you to someone who is right for you and get you on the road to healing.
