Holidays can be really tough even in the best of times.

And 2020 is certainly not what I’d call “the best of times”.

It’s a hard year for everyone. Even if you’re not concerned about COVID (which I would highly encourage you to reassess), the implications of this pandemic affect everyone in one way or another. I’m in the Midwest and over the summer we were able to get by on small family get togethers by being distanced outside, and our COVID numbers were a lot lower. Winter sort of eliminates that as an option, especially for people like my 90-something year old grandparents.

So here are my top tips for getting through this extra-tough holiday season:

Stick to your limits
If your boundary is only seeing immediate family - stick to that. I know that not seeing extended family or friends for a holiday really sucks, especially when you have kids or if you live alone. But being disappointed is a lot easier to stomach than the panic about being exposed or causing someone to get sick.
Boundaries with family are hard all the time. They’re even harder in a time like this when a lot is unknown or uncertain, and there are such wildly differing opinions on COVID. Stick to your limits. Don’t be bullied into something that you’re not comfortable with. If you do decide to see someone, decide on your boundaries before then. Will you wear masks? Hug? Sit far apart? Think about your limits beforehand and do not waver on what you’ve decided, no matter who pushes against it.
Manage your energy level
Understand that this is hugely emotionally taxing and your normal energy and tolerance level will be depleted. Monitor how you’re doing on a daily or hourly basis. Remember we talked about energy like a battery and developing coping skills? Now is the time to use that. Expect to be more taxed than usual and protect the energy that you can. Go into this knowing that it is going to be a challenge and adjust your expectations accordingly. Simplify gifts if you are able to. I totally wanted to make my kids some cool wood toys for Christmas, but it’s just not doable for me energy-wise right now, so I let that idea go for this holiday.
If you are seeing some family - manage your energy through that also. Family togetherness can be super draining, and things are even more tense right now (again, hello election and pandemic!). If you know that you’re triggered by a certain family member or a certain topic, plan for what to do when you’re feeling activated by it. If you have a partner, ask them beforehand to help you notice if you need a break or some time alone and decide on some doable go-to options so you don’t have to think on the fly. With that - watch your use of substances or food to numb yourself emotionally. It can be appealing to drink a little more or eat things that you know will make you feel crummy to white knuckle your way through some good old family fun, but that is most certainly not going to make you feel any better.
(Note: Please know that I am not suggesting that anyone restrict food. Eat what you want, food is neither a punishment nor a reward. Food should be enjoyed and it is healthy to enjoy what you choose to eat. I’m talking here about trying to numb your feelings with food, which is not a healthy habit.)
Don’t over commit yourself
Again, scale back. Yes my wood toy idea would have been super cool, but is the time and energy I would spend making it worth it right now? For me, no. I would absolutely enjoy it, but the time I have right now without kids is either working or sleeping. Since I kind of need to keep doing those two things, the toy idea got nixed.
Say no to things that you don’t have to do or don’t want to do. It just is really not the time to take on new stuff. I’ll be honest and say this one is difficult for me. I’m real good at volunteering myself to do things and committing to things, and this season of life has been a strong lesson in drawing lines where I need to.
Give yourself some damn grace
It’s hard. So hard. There are still no good or easy answers to any of this. There aren’t any answers that are one size fits all, just like the school decision a lot of families had to make a few short months ago (and many are still making!) There aren’t even many answers that feel good or certain.
You’re doing the best you can in an impossible situation. All we can do is take things one day at a time and use the information available to decide how to conduct ourselves.